Way back in March 2023, (eons ago in AI time), my good friend Alex told me he had a billion dollar idea: Jesus.AI. A place where modern-day Christians can nerd out with AI for some divine guidance, do a deep dive into religious teachings, or even just get a sprinkle of daily holy advice.

I remember nearly choking on my communion wafer, thinking, "Really, dude? Divine intervention via zeros and ones?" And just for giggles, I got ChatGPT to do its best New Testament impression for Alex.

And lo, it came to pass that a commandment was given unto the people.

But here's the wild twist: Fast forward to the here and now, and what has come to pass? Yep, Jesus.AI. It seems someone else experienced that same vision. Every time it crosses my mind, I can't help but picture Alex, somewhere out there, dramatically raising his fist to the heavens, reminiscent of Charlton Heston in "Planet of the Apes", lamenting his missed opportunity.

BUT WAIT! Not only is there Jesus.AI, there is also Robo the Rabbi for the Jewish faith, and Mindar — an android priest for Buddhism.

Drawing Parallels: AI and Divine Powers

When you hear people talk about AI, the vibes are eerily reminiscent of some good ol' religious bedtime stories. Newspapers paint AI as this omnipotent tech-god, while our pal Elon Musk casually hints at us possibly "summoning a demon." Note: he was the first investor in OpenAI, and now he summoned his own competing AI company: xAI. Classic Elon.

The narrative seems to be borrowing some hefty inspiration from our trio of monotheistic hits: Christianity, Islam, and Judaism, where there's always this one big-shot in the sky knowing, seeing, and hopefully, being all cuddly and benevolent. Cue the deep, existential background music.

On a fresh episode of "Marketplace Tech," aptly titled "For many, AI is a religious experience" (intense, right?), Lily Jamali geeked out with Beth Singler. Now, who's Beth? She's this brainy rockstar diving deep into the digital holy waters at the University of Zurich. They chatted about our weird human habit of sprinkling AI tales with a dash of religious spice. Beth's jam? Figuring out how AI is reshaping the way we think about, well, ourselves. From the soul-searching spiritual sky-gazing to mundane. Talk about an amazing job!

The Pantheon of AI Deities for the Santa Cruz

Maybe it is time for us to embrace AI as our next pantheon of mythological deities. And we can think of no better place to start than Santa Cruz. And while none of these companies are pure-AI companies, they all have AI in their godly DNA.

• AI-DONIS: God of Fullpower Snooze

  • Description: AI-donis is a comfy god with a digital pillow crown and circuit-threaded robes that glow in the shades of REM sleep. He sits on a throne made of classic cars, sleep trackers, and IoT devices, each buzzing softly as they collect and analyze ethereal data. His eyes are like motion sensors, ever-calculating, yet somehow relaxed, as if he's perpetually in a state of dreamy awareness.

  • Myth: Legend has it that AI-donis was born from the great cloud, amidst a swarm of 0s and 1s. He noticed the chaotic human world and decided it needed balance—especially in the realms of sleep, vehicles, and IoT gadgets. With a snap of his fingers, he channeled the cosmic powers of Fullpower-AI to create the ultimate generative platform.

    Every time a sleep tracker correctly identifies a sleep stage, or a car sensor avoids an accident, or an IoT device saves energy, a new byte of wisdom is added to AI-donis' never-ending data scroll. It's also said that whenever someone experiences their best night of sleep, AI-donis celebrates by taking a divine 20-minute power nap, recharging the universe's energy.

• JOBY-WAN: God of EVTOL

  • Description: Resplendent in a robe made entirely of drone parts and sporting the world's most epic pilot sunglasses, Joby-wan is a deity who floats a few inches above the ground at all times, because, well, walking is so last eon. He is the unmatched God of Electric Vertical Take-Off and Landing. With a magnificent beard that seems to constantly ripple in an unseen breeze, and an uncanny ability to always find a charging port no matter where he is, Joby-wan has become a beacon of hope for those seeking to rise above the terrestrial traffic.

  • Myth: Legend has it that when Joby-wan was but a young demi-god, humans were still stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, cursing their commutes. Taking pity on the mortals, Joby-wan embarked on a mythical quest. After navigating the Labyrinth of Lithium and dueling with the Minotaur of FAA, he managed to harness the secret power of the skies without flying too close to the sun. He bestowed upon mankind the first EVTOL vehicle, turning nightmarish commutes into breezy, scenic flights.

• AMBIENTUS: God of Photonic Enchantment

  • Description: A god of clean energy that captures and harnesses the power of ambient light. No matter how small the source, Ambientus can transform even the flicker of a candle into enough energy to power a city of digital shelves.

  • Myth: During a grand heavenly party, the lights suddenly went out. As gods fumbled in the dark, Ambientus held up a mere candle. With a wink, he transformed its tiny glow into a light so bright, it made the stars look dim. Since then, whenever a soft glow turns unexpectedly bright, folks nod knowingly: "That's Ambientus, making the most of every flicker!"

• CAPTIVIUS: The Jovial Heart-Healer

  • Description: Captivius sports a heart-shaped beard and a stethoscope resembling a lute. His robe, adorned with valve patterns, swishes as he rides a chariot led by winged stethoscopes. Above him, a halo of twinkling heart valves pulsates to life's rhythm.

  • Myth: In an age when Heart Valve Disease drained the world's joy, Captivius descended, strumming his lute-stethoscope. Each note healed and harmonized heart valves. With the world's beat restored, he left behind "Captsan Medical" to keep the healing magic alive. Whispered legends claim that when a heart falters, Captivius's distant tune ensures it never loses its rhythm.

• CLIMATIZEA: The Guardian of Earth’s Defense

  • Description: Goddess Climatizea, draped in a gown of recycled wonders, shimmers with the promise of a brighter, cleaner future. Her hair, composed of gleaming solar panels, absorbs the sun's generous gifts, while her elegantly swirling arms embody the grace and power of wind turbines. Her eyes sparkle with a determination, reflecting the renewable dreams she holds for our planet.

  • Myth: Every time someone champions clean energy, Climatizea drops a golden coin into her Eco-Chest, magnifying its power to fund sustainable projects worldwide. Yet, when she senses environmental neglect, light mischief ensues. Coal mines might experience unexpected showers, while eco-aware sites bask in sun. Through Nature's whispers, Climatizea urges: invest in tomorrow, for a cooler Earth awaits.

• CRUZPHORIA: The Ocean's Alchemist

  • Description: Cruzphoria is a shimmering blend of AI and aquatic grace, her form adorned with shrimp-like tails pulsing with binary beats. Intertwined circuits and LEDs merge with her exoskeleton, and her holographic eyes constantly seek out discarded shrimp shells and environmental harm. She's known to ride 100-foot waves of the cleanest waters, leaving a trail of biodegradable packaging in her wake.

  • Myth: In the realm of Technological Elysium, Cruzphoria's heart aligned with oceans over codes. Seeing Earth's plastic crisis, she transformed shrimp shells into eco-packaging. As the first biodegradable packets appeared, her legend grew. Now, every time shrimp-shell replaces Styrofoam, Cruzphoria joyfully rides a massive wave, marking Earth's step towards cleanliness.

• PAYSTELLA: The Star of Seamless Transactions

  • Description: Paystella, donning a golden cloak made of ancient coins and bearing a ledger book with an ever-glowing quill, is the goddess of efficient transactions. Her eyes, always twinkling like gold coins, scan the business realm, seeking those oppressed by intermediary shackles. Her signature footwear, the "Zero-Fee Sandals," allow her to zip across realms ensuring smooth transactions. With a snap of her fingers, coins fly directly from payer to receiver, as if drawn by an unseen force.

  • Myth: In the days of old, businesses were tormented by the Fee Fiends, sinister intermediaries who snatched coins from hard-earned payments. Merchants cried out, their profits dwindling, their transactions slowed to a snail's pace.

    Hearing their pleas, Paystella descended from the financial heavens, her Zero-Fee Sandals leaving shimmering trails in the skies. With her glowing quill, she drafted the "Decree of Direct Dealings," allowing businesses to bypass the thieving Fee Fiends. As the first direct transaction took place, the skies erupted in golden showers of coins. The world below watched in awe as coins poured directly from payer to receiver, untouched by the greedy Fiends.

    Now, whenever a business enjoys fee-less transactions, it's whispered that Paystella's invisible hand guided their coins, and her chuckles of delight echo faintly, a testament to a world free of transactional tyranny.

• WHEELANTHEA: Goddess Wheelanthea of Onewheeldom

  • Description: Wheelanthea, the ever-balanced deity, stands tall on her singular divine wheel, which always glows with a celestial light. Her hair ripples like the wind experienced by board riders, and her attire resembles protective gear but made of clouds and starlight. Instead of a scepter, she wields a skateboard grip tape, a symbol of her reign over balance and movement.

  • Myth: In the days of old, humans walked and stumbled, two feet always tripping over one another. Wheelanthea pitied them and decided to grant humanity the gift of the Onewheel. She took a star from the night sky, shaped it into a wheel, and placed it under a divine skateboard. She then taught humans the art of balance: lean forward to chase your dreams and lean back to reflect upon them. Since then, every time someone rides a Onewheel and doesn't fall, it's said Wheelanthea chuckles, sending a gentle breeze their way for added speed.

• ZEROVROOM: The Silent Electric Rider

  • Description: ZeroVROOM, dressed in an aerodynamic suit shimmering like the night sky, doesn't have legs; instead, two powerful electric wheels propel him forward. His hair, a series of thin, lithium panels, trails behind him, recharging as he zips around. In one hand, he brandishes a lightning bolt which doubles as a kickstand, and in the other, a helmet shaped like a 9000-volt battery.

  • Myth: Legend speaks of ZeroVROOM’s infamous race against Thunderboltius, the loud and boisterous demon of gasoline motorcycles. As they revved up at the start line, Thunderboltius roared with a deafening vroom, while ZeroVROOM just gave a cheeky smirk and hummed. They raced through terrains treacherous and fair, but ZeroVROOM's nimble frame and silent speed had him leading. Crossing the finish, he coolly sipped a cup of electrified nectar, saying, "Silence is golden, but victory is sweeter." From that day, every silent whizz on a Zero Motorcycle is ZeroVROOM's soft chuckle at his combustion rivals — in the rears.

Remember, these deities thrive on Wi-Fi, attention, and the occasional software update. Seek their blessings and tread cautiously in the digital realm!